Back

Sort of. Probably. Maybe?

It's a long story filled with twists and turns and splashing into a deep dive of depression I'm only just resurfacing from.

So, you know, typical school year. Only not, since it ended with me no longer willing to work for a school I've worked with for 11 years because of some unprecedented (but not, but totally, possibly maybe) bad behavior. There's a caveat there, but it's unlikely since they made my value to them very clear.

The TL:DR version is I saved an entire elective program (not an exaggeration: they would have had to essentially cancel the classes without a qualified replacement for some very specialized courses in...what I've done at various iterations of this website and other websites since I was a sophomore in high school--"New Media") for 4 months to get it to the end of the school year, was promised the full time position in the fall by many people in power, was told I had the full time position and to just be patient, and then was told they found someone else with more experience and would not be hiring me on. So lies, manipulation, significant lost wages, some downright abusive behavior (straight up gaslighting), a set up by someone who didn't like me to PROVE I wasn't a fit for the job (will never straight up discuss this because it was so absurd you'll never believe it happened), and two weeks of emotional abuse with everyone who didn't want me to have the job rubbing it in my face and just screaming at me until the last day of school.

That's the TL:DR. Imagine what the actual story looks like. I'm not even sure where to begin with that. It took me contacting my therapist more in the past two weeks than I'd been in touch with them in the past two years to process it enough to know that, you know, maybe I'm just not cut out to be a teacher. I'm a wonderful educator and absolutely shut down when being bombarded by absolute nonsense with no value to what happens in the classroom 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Teachers don't get days off, especially when a school's administration believes everyone is on call like a surgeon at all times and expects immediate answers. I expect that level of commitment when I'm running my own business (like freelancing, or my new A/V technical and creative support services business), but not when I should be left alone if my students are learning, my paperwork is turned in on time, and I'm early and participating in every meeting and event I have to go to.

I'm trying to figure it all out. Writing is going to come back because at least that gives me a routine to fall into. I have a bunch of applications out with schools, contacts I've made in the arts, and all kinds of remote online work, as well. Like I said to any teacher who was concerned about what was going to happen to me: No offense to you, but I chose to go into teaching. I have other skills and have worked professionally in all of them. I don't need this [wonderful and fulfilling career] to survive. If I teach, great. If I don't, I have plenty of backups. 

So that's where I'm at. We'll see what comes up.

Oh yeah. For accessibility reasons, I'll be recording all my writing here from now on. Eventually I'll get to those audiobook recordings for my releases on Amazon (forgive the blatant advertising: I'm near-unemployed at the moment). I'm also going to be streaming on Twitch when I can and uploading gaming videos to my new YouTube.