Lucky McKee and Valentine's Day: A Horror Love Connection

While I will not personally be celebrating Valentine's Day this year, I do not begrudge those who have plans. I only act as a humble blogger offering an interesting suggestion to help your love connection tonight. In spite of the buzz about his latest film The Woman, Lucky McKee has always been a director interested in presenting compelling portraits of women on the screen. These portraits just happen to be in horror film. They aren't just horror films, either; McKee seems concerned with romantic relationships as well.

May, his best known film, is filled with great ideas. What says romance more than a short film about cannibal lovers eating each other?

Sweet, Sweet Cannibal Loving

Just remember to ask your lover before you try to reenact scenes from the short within the film.

A special night like Valentine's Day is a perfect time to show off special skills for your romantic interest. Perhaps you take a page from May Canady and design your own outfit for the festivities or take measurements of your partner to whip together a new ensemble as a gift. Just keep the sharp objects far away from the celebration. Or, like Adam, you, too, can prove yourself to be a horror film connoisseur by pretending to stab your date with a retractable knife and showing off your college short films about sweet sweet cannibal loving.

If you can't find a date, don't worry. May teaches you how to do that as well. Be like May and rest your hand in that cute sleeping guy's palm and you're sure to spark a love connection. If that fails, follow Polly's technique and prey on your co-worker with the least self-confidence with lots of bad pussy cat puns and false enthusiasm for quirks. You'll be sure to find your own Adam or Ambrosia to spend the night with.

Maybe you aren't as social and willing as May Canady. Not to worry; Lucky McKee has you covered. If you just got out of a really rough relationship, you can't do any worse than learning a few lessons from May partner film Roman. For example, no matter how bad it gets, violence is never the answer. Never. It will catch up with you, especially if it's acted out against poor Veronica Mars in a beer-fueled haze.

But perhaps the more pressing lesson Roman learns is to help your depressed partner. If your girl or guy starts acting strange like Eva, talking about one final project before being finished, you should do everything you can to help them. Take them out on dates, offer to help with the project--do anything to gain or regain their trust and find out why they don't want to follow what they love anymore. Who knows? Helping your Eva might help you come out of your shell and rejoin society.

While a chance encounter with a possible partner is a nice surprise, we aren't always so lucky. That's when you can follow the technique of one of Lucky McKee's newer projects, Blue Like You. Patrick is set up on a blind date with a lovely young woman named Blue. Cyndi, his friend that sets up the date, warns him Blue has trouble in public, but he disregards the advice. You see, when you're on a blind date, you need to watch what you say and be on your best behavior. While Patrick is as chivalrous as he can be, he confuses Blue a bit too much on the date. The results are a bit messy. See for yourself. Then show it to your date before going out tonight. If they don't laugh, ditch 'em tomorrow.

damn damn damn. They pulled that quick. You might be able to get it on XBoxLive still. So sorry.

Or, if you're like me and not really celebrating the evening, you can just stay home and watch any of these Lucky McKee films. Need a laugh? Go with Sick Girl. Want to feel better about your own interpersonal skills and mental state? May's your new favorite film. Feel stuck in an anti-social rut that you can't get out of? Claw your way out with Roman. Worried that you can't trust the people around you? Learn true paranoia with The Woods. Want to see some horrid animal abusing punks get good old-fashioned vigilante ass-whoopings at the hands of a man who knew how to love and care for an animal? Buy a box of tissues and watch Red. Then hug your dog real tight and remember that Lucky McKee would have made the social commentary more scathing and characters far more believable had he been allowed to finish the film he started.

Happy Valentine's Day to all. I have an extra special Cannonball Read III review coming up tonight that acts as a real corker for the lovey dovey festivities.

Cannonball Read III, Book 3: Misery by Stephen King

Listen: "Through the Looking Glass" from Wonderland: A New Alice